Between the Notes

Lying here on my bed with the internet radio from my iPod on its docking station playing, the soft and clear sound of the piano echoing in the room… I felt, each note, each keystroke, each pedal clear and shift, each harmony major or minor, every sound of the music sinking into my heart; the sensation when you know that you are not only listening to the sound… but being part of it, let it touching your soul and guiding your thoughts. I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t clear my mind this time… in fact, something that a great friend of mine mentioned have really struck me today, and the pure and innocence of the piano have reminded me of that even more.

Over the past year or so, I have been in a constant struggle to keep up with my life. I have been in a state of depression, lost and confused about what I really want and what I wish to do or to become. My thoughts were chaotic, and were often in fragments. I felt completely separated from the world. I still went to school and spend time with my friends, but I was never into anything. It was mere impossible for me to concentrate on one single task and get it done perfectly. That made me even more depressed and one thing adds to another, I became somewhat anti social and I felt completely lost of reasons of life. It was truly a sad time but I’m not here to talk about my failures, no, I’m here to talk about something that’s special, something that helped me through all the difficult times. It’s truly a good companion, a true friend that never left my side, comforting my soul with every gentle note it makes, the soft and clear sound, the acoustic reverb, the never ending sustain echoes the last note of each piece.

My good friend Wake Seven on Facebook, who is also known as Symphonica7 on Youtube, by many, has reminded me of something that I have never really thought about. I have been through many ups and downs in the past while. Things happen one after another; friends come and go due to many different reasons. But one friend that have always been there for me… every time I come home, feeling stressed and depressed by all that’s happened, feeling lost in this cruel world, I seek my escape in music, and my piano have always been there to calm me and comfort my soul.

I have never really thought of it but Wake said something that reminded me of how much music means to me, he made me realize how much I truly appreciate my piano and how I truly appreciate all those hard practicing and lessons which taught me everything I know about music now. My piano have always being there with me no matter how I felt. I was never alone even when I felt so… no, because my piano was there with me. We communicated through music, the touch of a key and the sound echo through sustain. Every time I play a piece, we were communicating. Every song, every expression I put into a piece, my piano will understand and in return it will comfort me with its soft and clear sound. So when ever I’m feeling down and depressed, all I have to do is sit down, turn on the power, and play a piece, then all my problems will be washed away by the music rushing through me. Clearing your mind to nothing but the sound of the piano, it’s a feeling of pure relaxation… it is breath taking.

This sentimental feeling is very hard for many to understand. In fact many would call it ridiculous and totally illogical. “It’s just a piano, a man made object that is known as an instrument. How can it possibly communicate?” Well… granted that it is a man made object, an assembly of parts. But that’s like saying that we are made of bone and flesh, merely chemicals and fiber tissues. An instrument won’t “talk” to you unless you “talk” to it. The reason I used quotation marks on the word “talk” is because for obvious reasons it’s not really talking but yet it is a form of communication and the only language is music. It’s like when you were little, you and your best childhood friend spend almost every moment together, sharing the happy experiences together and crying over sad things together. You can’t really explain why you are so attached to that person, but you just are. It’s sort of the same with an instrument. A musician treats his or her instrument as if it’s their best friend, some even more intimate than friends. You spend all your time practicing, making beautiful music together, but also make mistakes together. You press the wrong key, and it will no mistakenly respond with a “wrong” note. Over a long time, as the musicians experience increases, he or she will be more experienced with the instrument and thus be more familiar with it as well. That will form an intimate, sentimental bond between the person and the object. You will become more dependent on the instrument. You won’t be able to happily get through the day without even hearing the sound of it. Also, to personify the instrument, it communicates back to the musician through the sound that it makes.

This topic can get quite philosophical. It will also get into human psychology and the odd behavior that tends to personifies every object with in view. Frankly I don’t really care about the very reason why I’m sentimentally attached to my piano. All I know is that, I can’t live without it. Music is where I escape the everyday life to, just relax and clear my mind; let the music take control of my thoughts. It calms me and gives me confidence to deal with other complications that may come. Essentially music is my shield, my guardian angel if you will. And every time I play something on my piano, it feels like as if it’s talking back to me. It’s communicating with my soul through music. It’s a truly mysterious and yet comforting feeling. And it brings back the memories that you have forgotten that it’s in your mind, making you remember them once more and further more appreciates the time gone by and look forward to the time yet to come.

Do not underestimate the power of music, and appreciate your instrument. The next time you pick up your instrument, or sit in front of it. Just think… think about the many good times you have shared together. The time spent practicing, the joy when a piece comes together; the joy of cheerful moments, and the tears of sad times. Just think about why you have chosen this instrument, this particular one and how have it changed your life. Does it bring you happiness? Does it make you feel appreciated? Does it make you feel satisfied? And the most important of all, does it make you feel comforted. Then you play a song, a song that you knows best, because that’s most likely the song that you spent most of the time together with your instrument, practicing and perfecting every little detail until you are satisfied of the feeling that it brings. You will appreciate your instrument much more as you will look at it in a different way. It won’t be just another instrument, another tools you use to make sounds then connects into a song. No it will be much more… a friend, a companion, an inseparable part of your life that will always keep the music alive in your heart and soul.

Therefore I dedicate this blog to all those believers, those who truly understands what I mean and feels equally attached to their instruments as I do, maybe even more than me.

May you find peace in your musical journey.

God blessed us with such an amazing gift known as music. It’s only fair that we even attempt to understand it and communicate with the mysterious powers with in it.

PS: Thank you Wake Seven for making me reflect and finally realize what my piano really means, what music really means to me. And also thank you for teaching me, guiding me through my music recording experience, spending the time teaching someone that have almost no experience at all in the field. You are a true friend, a big brother more like. Thank you very much and god blesses you always.

April 14th 2011 - Libera in Canada Premiere Concert

April 14^th 2011

In my 20 years of life this is the first time that when I sit here and reflect what had happened through the day and find myself speechless. I guess there’s no exaggeration to say today was the best day I’ve had for a really long time; Today was Libera’s first concert ever in Toronto, my home city.

I heard the news about libera coming to Toronto weeks ago so you would thought the excitement would’ve lessened by some… but NO… I woke up in the morning with a huge, childish grin on my face and the thought of “LIBERA CONCERT LIBERA CONCERT LIBEAR CONCERT” was constantly over whelming all other thoughts in my head.  So using my best self control ability I got to school and handed in my assignment. Then for the rest of the day I was just sitting in the library thinking about Libera. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a pedo, it’s not like I like them because they are cute. Sure they are, but that’s because they are practically little kids, and all little kids are adorable. I love them for their music; the harmony; the amazing vocal arrangement; and their pure talent singing as a group. So forgive me for not fanboy-ing over them like the girls do.

The reason i’m telling you all this is because I want to make a point of how troublesome my day was and how everything have turned out worthwhile in the end. After I had a rather late lunch around 3:00pm, I went to the library to print off a confirmation letter of my ticket order. I thought you needed the letter to get the tickets, but when got to the library, all 4 printers are either broken or won’t work properly. So I went to a different building and both of those printers won’t work either. I was very frustrated because by that time it was already around 5:00pm, I should’ve been on the train going towards Toronto already but no. I was close to giving up until I made a final attempt with my friend’s laptop (thank you so much Michael Chang) and it printed. So without further delay, I grabbed the letter and headed straight for the bus stop. I finally got to the train station at 6:00pm, when I was getting a train ticket the lady told me I missed the previous train by just five minutes and the next train was an hour away. I was so in shock I had the lady repeated what she said. Waiting an hour for the next train meaning I won’t get to the concert on time, I was going to be half an hour late. But there was no way I was going to miss Libera’s very first time in Canada, and my very first time of seeing them in live concert. I had to go even if it meant I was going to be late. So I called my friend who was going with me and apologized to her, she was very kind and told me it was ok, she’ll wait for me at the train station none the less. When I got to Union Station at Toronto it was 7:40pm. By plan the concert should’ve started ten minutes before that. I found my friend waiting for me outside then we took the first taxi to St. Michael’s Catholic Cathedral.

We got there at 8:00pm. First thing we did, we busted through the front gate of the cathedral and rushed to the box office, which was actually just the front reception desk/store of the cathedral. The lady who greeted us with such a sweet smile to me I did not need the confirmation letter at all…you could’ve guessed how mad I was at myself, but something she told me right after made me feel I was the luckiest person in the world. “You got here just in time. It’s just about to start. We are starting late because the bad traffic in the city is holding a lot of people back.” She said.” Dear lord please forgive me, I will never ever doubt you again…” was my thought, but I did not say it out loud cause I don’t want people to think about me as a doubter… for the entire time I thought that all that happened meant that I was meant to miss the concert, but in the end our dear holy father granted my wish.

Now on to the concert… the center seats (I guess you can call them orchestral seats) were all taken so me and my friend had to find a seat at the side. It was not too bad other than the fact that my view of the center stage was blocked by a giant support beam of the building, so I decided to stand on the side against the wall to get a better view. I ended up standing for the whole concert but it was well worth it.

The lights dimmed, the boys started walking out of the back stage in the dark while the audience applauded out of politeness. Slowly the blue themed lighting brightened just enough for us to see the boys on stage but not bright enough to make out who they are. The music started, Mr Priceman on the grand piano while conducting the boys, professional string quartet and drummer behind the boys. Then the amazing vocal hit us so ever gently then gradually getting louder and louder. It was a rearranged version of intro to the song “Libera”, and to my surprised it’s actually the song called “jubilate”. It was amazing how they very nicely jointed the two songs together. Then the familiar intro of “Libera” sounded marking the end of “jubilate” straight into the next song. The lightening brightened and changed to white in theme, it was now bright enough for us to recognize the boys. I scanned through each and every boy on stage, trying to recognize everyone but was somewhat disappointed not to see some of the boys I hoped was going to be there, but was surprised to see some brand new faces. The song went on through Libera’s famous stage arrangement and choreography. I was completely stunned as I closed my eyes and cleared my mind, letting the music taking control of my thoughts and emotions. This is my first and only time seeing Libera live, and despite the relatively small cathedral and its low acoustic effect, the experience was one of a kind. The sound engineer turned up on the reverb effect through the speakers to simulate a large acoustic, the echo of one word was partially mixed into the next word. It was truly spectacular, the music flowed through me. I felt like I wasn’t there to listen but to feel the music. It’s an amazing sensation that can only be truly understood by experiencing.

The song ended and the audience applauded as the group changed their formation on stage. Freddie and Cassius gave the intro speech. “Hello, as you know we are called Libera…” and so on. It was a routine introduction until Freddie made a joke and said “we are from London, from a little place called England.” The audience laughed at the joke while applauding once again for Freddie’s effort. The rest of the introduction was fairly routine, very similar to the introduction Josh gave in one of their concert before. Then Freddie introduced the next song “Eternal Light”. The light dimed and changed to a different colour theme, Mr Priceman set down at the maple wood red Schimmel concert grand and the soft offset beat intro of the song started. Our dear Stefan is truly a sensation as he started the first solo of the night and carried it through beautifully. The rest of the boys joined and the song went on. I looked around the audience and can see many facial expressions of amazement, admiration and enjoyment. Everyone was captured by Libera’s unique and breath taking harmonies.

The audience applauded louder at the end of “eternal light” then was greeted by the soft intro of “Sanctissima” I did not see clearly who was singing the solo due to the dim blue themed lighting, but unlike the original version of the song, the soloist wasn’t Ben. It was soothing and peaceful none the less. The song went on and the audience applauded at the end. Then the famous chord progression of Pachelbel’s Canon started. Both me and my friend instantly recognised the song, looked at each other in amazement and mouthed the same thing “oh my god!” the violinist made a small but noticeable mistake during the third chord, which scared me but she instantly corrected herself. Professional is truly professional… I would’ve been so scared to continue playing already. The song went well but since it’s one of the most recognizable songs which I’ve listened to over and over I noticed some differences at first I wasn’t sure until I heard a lady sitting next to the place I was standing and told her friend “it’s in a lower key.” She confirmed my previous thought. Although not by much but the song was in fact in a lower key than the version we are used to while Tom was still singing the high notes. It was beautifully done none the less.

Audience applauded as Kavana took center stage and with his natural cheerful attitude and confidence, he introduced to everyone about how Libera normally practice and learn their songs, especially how as many as eight harmony parts can go together beautifully when sang by Libera boys. Then he introduced the next song as “with some very unique harmonies.” called “Always with You”. Audience applauded as the boys change to a different stage formation once again with a little boy standing in the middle while the rest of the choir, in their formations, all looked towards where the little one was standing. It could’ve been Freddie but I couldn’t be sure because of the lighting and the distance I was standing from the stage. He walked towards the front of the stage while the rest of the boys were holding their posture, as if it was a still photo while the boy was moving. It was a very interesting choreography with a dim, red themed lighting. The boy was small, and from his solo you can tell that he’s not that much experienced but he showed a unique innocents in his voice that made the whole atmosphere that much more special. It was once again a sensation. This time the audience applauded even longer in the end. As the boys took a different formation again and sang “Love and Mercy”. I was thrilled when I recognized the song. it’s one of my favourites but with different soloists. I couldn’t recognize one of them but the other was our lovely little James. He also finished the song with the traditional ending of “mercy and love…” that was used to be sang by Josh. Most audience recognized the song either from Libera or the Beach Boys from back in the days, so the applause was louder and longer than expected.

A new face appeared at the center stage as the lights brightened. I didn’t recognize him and because he said his name very fast I didn’t quite catch it. He introduced the production crew of the concert, the string quartet, Mr Robert Priceman, Ben Crawley, Sam Coates and etc. and introduced the next song “Lamentione” I was surprised by the name and thought it was a new song until I realised they just renamed the song, it was once called “Lament”. Hymn based arrangement and was beautifully peroformed.

The next song was “Salva Me” when it comes to this song I have to say, I miss Joe Snelling’s “Salva…” and Tom’s solo in this song. Unfortunately the boys sounded weak, the solos sounded distant and quiet and were easy powered by the choir until the sound engineer turned up the microphone of the soloists. It was beautiful none the less, a different feel if I must say but it was just a slight disappointment to me. Audience applauded as usual.

“Exultate” was similar to “Salva Me”, the soloist was someone other than Ben, He sounded quiet but he treated those high notes beautifully. It was a great end to the first half of the concert.

During the intermission I quickly ran to the front desk and bought the “Etermal” album and “libera in concert” DVD at a discounted price. I was happy to finally complete my Libera collection.

The second half of the concert started with “Mysterium”. Then Liam gave a speech. Boy! Did his voice change… “he explained how that they have less boys on tour this time due to schooling for some of the boys who unfortunately had to stay at home to study. The joke wasn’t understood by most but all of us kids who goes to school laughed hard. He confirmed my suspicion though. He also explained how while the boys grow up, their voices change so they get to sing different parts in songs and introduced how “Gloria” featured the lower boys’ voices in its harmonies. The song started with a different intro than I remember and it was flawlessly done. The audience was amazed by the harmonies and the majestic theme of the song as they applauded.

Ralph and Kavana took the center stage as Ralph did his own solo of “The Fountain” I almost didn’t recognize him from his voice. But then I noticed he had trouble hitting some of the high notes which he can easily sing normally. At first I thought because he’s voice is starting to change. “Maybe he matures earlier than other boys.” It’s a natural fact that some people do. But then I notice him cover his microphone with his right hand while coughing into his left. Then I finally understood the boys did not expect the dramatic change in climate from London to Toronto, so some of them got sick. I’m sorry boys but this is Toronto, the far north that sometimes hit -40 degrees Celsius during the winter. I applauded especially hard for Ralph’s effort to correct himself in the ending solo of the song. Dear Ralph, please feel better soon.

“When A Knight Won His Spur” was next, unfortunately without Ed Day, the solo was done by someone else. He was blocked off by the beam of the building so I couldn’t see him. It was great none the less.

“Stay With Me”, once again was giving to a different soloist because Michael Vereycken left the choir long time ago. But they kept the song original. I was happy to hear many of the old songs being sang tonight. It brings back many memories of when I first started listening to Libera until now. Thank you boys…

“Ave Verum” always cheers me up and it once again did the same tonight.

Then a little introduction by Freddie of the next song “Song of Life”, it was written by a Japanese musician and Mr Priceman for a Japanese TV show. Ralph, despite the sickness, did his Magic and showed his true ability on his very own Solo. I once again closed my eyes, enjoyed every note, every chord and every word of this song. The Lyrics is especially touching to me, it expressed how I really feel about music and how I really feel about life. It’s poetic, it’s spiritual, and Ralph amazed the entire audience with this song.

Next song, to my surprise was “Going Home” the boys stood in the same formation as when Josh, Tom, and Ben used to sing the solos but were respectfully replaced by Daniel, Liam and Stefan. But it sounded to me that Liam did now sing the melody but rather was all done by Daniel and Stefan. It’s funny because I wasn’t actually looking at the stage while the song started so I actually thought I was going to hear Josh sing until Daniel started the solo. The boys are still amazing, but… gosh how I miss Josh and Tom so much and Ben’s solos. The audience clearly recognized the tune and applauded very joyfully.

Last little speech was done by a new member named Jude. I think he’s Luke’s brother since they do have the same last name and they look similar. He thanked everyone for attending the concert and introduced the final song “How Shall I Sing That Majesty”. Stefan was a little nervous tonight as he missed a note during his solo but the way he missed it actually sounded like he meant to do so. What a boy, what a voice, what talent… the song was majestic and brought the whole concert to a grand finale. The audience stood in ovation while the boys bowed many times. The encore was a shortened version of Exultate but it was beautifully arranged specially to show off the boys’ amazing harmonies.

The concert was a long two hours of time, but I wish it never ended. It was truly a spectacular performance, a very unique experience that can only be understood by actually living through it. People always told me that I should attend their concerts because it’s more of a sensation than listening to them on my iPod. Now I finally understand what those people meant and I truly thank them for telling me and sharing such a wonderful experience with me. It made all my troubles during the day completely worthwhile.

With the unfortunate disappointment knowing that Libera will not do a meet and greet at this concert, my Friend and I strolled along the sleepless night city of Toronto, to the train station while constantly mesmerizing ourselves in the talk of how amazing the concert was and how amazing the boys are. Good and happy memories surfaced as we both longed for the days that when we were still in choir. Thank you Libera, you’ve blessed my soul and you’ve broadened my understanding of music. You’ve showed me new possibilities and you’ve showed me love and kindness. You have changed my life for more than I would’ve imagined, and you are now forever an important part of my life and my music experience.

As I sat on the bus back to the city where I live for school, I can’t help but shed a few tears as the sound of Libera’s voices and music still echoed in my memory. What a satisfying but most importantly comforting and soul warming experience. And this experience can only be described in one way, the only way, the only word… Libera.

Foot note:
the names of the new boys on tour this time are:

Jude Collins
Dylan Duffy
Barney Lindsell
Eoghan McCarthy


the full list of names on tour: (alphabetical order by last name)

Henry Barrington
Jonathan Barrington
Tiarnan Branson
Jude Collins
Luke Collins
Liam Connery
Kavana Crossley
Jakob De Menezes-Wood
Dylan Duffy
Daniel Fontannaz
Freddie Ingles
Matthew Jansen
Stefan Leadbeater
Alex Leggett
Barney Lindsell
Eoghan McCarthy
James Mordaunt
Sammy Moriarty
Cassius O'Connell-White
Benedict Philipp
Matthew Rangel-Alvares
Carlos Rodriguez
Ralph Skan

Friends

I don't really know what is going on with me. My knowledge and self assessment skills are extremely limited, so in a way i am lost. maybe it's the stress or maybe it's the fact that I'm trying to juggle too many things at once, i haven't been myself lately and i can feel it. i feel different, different from what i remember when i was happy and energetic. Perhaps this is life... maybe i have finally woken up to reality, and embraced the cruelty of the world way too fast. if this is reality then fantasy seems like a much better world. but death will not solve what I've done. it is only a cowardice solution to run away from the problems, it is running away from reality.

reading through what i just wrote in the last paragraph, i can really tell that my thoughts are broken and random; chaotic. it is a sign of mantle stress perhaps, or the result of impatience and immaturity. i know i'm immature, and i hate every moment of it. i try to better myself by reading and talking to others. but that's the problem... lately i have been rude and impatient toward people. as much as i regret what i have said to then, the damage is done. i apologize to them and hope for their forgiveness. i realize that i have used trust to manipulate people, people who depends on my trust. they have trusted me as a friend and i have let them down. i have cheated on the name of friendship and for that i am not worthy to be a friend of theirs. therefore i cannot forgive myself.

I used to think that i am a great person, a great friend. but now that think about it, i realize how arrogant and foolish i was. i have been selfish to think how i did not get what i deserved, but in reality it's my friends who was compensating and accepting my lack of contribution to our friendship. i feel guilty of my friends' troubles, but i never realized they were caused by my incompetence as a friend, if you can even call me a friend. the world friendship carries much more value than what i give it credit for. In many ways i feel i do not deserve to be considered as a friend by others. for what it's worth, i value my friends very much. more than my actions show. but obviously i have trouble telling my friends. they understand that i'm trying my best to be worth and i thank god loving and caring for giving me such great friends. Only if i can be worth of a friend to them in return.

I won't give up trying to learn. i will never stop trying to be more useful and worthy. i will from now on, use my true action and words of my heart to show my friends how much they  mean to me. i am sincerely hoping for their forgiveness and understanding. and yet i have the feeling that despite what i did and said, they still, and already have forgiven me.

thank you my friends, for what ever it's worth, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. thank you for your understanding while my trouble soul awaits for guidance, lost and weary. but you have  shined a light and kept it going, hopping to light my path to home. thank you and god bless you all. my thought are of you and my prayers are with you.

Thank the selfless hearts that have warmed my day and brightened my sky.